


I don't want to lose you

by fer14oj



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kara loves her and will fight for her, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena knows, sad and angry lena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-08 05:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19864417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fer14oj/pseuds/fer14oj
Summary: Kara doesn't know why Lena keeps avoiding her, she tries to see her. Lena is hurt, they talk and things get angsty.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic, English is not my first language and... S5 is Supercorp season!

Kara tries to focus on her work, tries to finish the article due to the next day and she hasn't even started. She can only think about Lena, about how her friend seems to be avoiding her and she misses her, she has called, texted, she even went to L-corp, but nothing.

Something is not okay. She tries to convince herself that Lena is probably busy, or maybe she lost her phone and hasn't even seen that Kara tried to get in contact, or maybe the new secretary lied to her and didn't tell Lena she was looking for her. She tries to make excuses to why she hasn't heard from Lena, but, she knows, she knows something is wrong and it's her own fault.

Kara is aware that she hasn't been honest with Lena, she has another life hidden. There is something in her head telling her that Lena knows, but she ignores, it can not be possible, because she has to be the only one to tell her, because it hurts so much to think she has lost Lena in that way. She is tired but decides to write that article, she can keep thinking about Lena later.

It's late and Kara decides to fly by Lcorp, and she finds her, there is Lena, drinking wine in her office, alone, looking so exhausted that kara wants to hold her. She keeps staring until Lena turns and their eyes meet. The look Lena gives her scares her, she doesn't know what to do, her fears come back to her.

“Supergirl,” Lena calls her firmly, putting down her glass of wine and walking towards the balcony. Kara knows that they are going to talk and she knows it could end not well. They are both in front of each other, neither of them speaks, it's like they are trying to have a conversation just with their eyes that hold a thousand emotions. Kara decides to say the first thing that comes to her mind.

“Are you okay?” Lena keeps looking at her, then she answered.

“Why? Do I not look okay to you?” Kara thinks about everything that has happened, how Lena must feel.

“You have been through a lot, Lena. I know that you don't consider me a friend, but I'm here for you if you want to talk or just to have someone by your side.”

Lena keeps looking at here like there are a million things she wants to say but she is trying to contain herself.

“Thanks, I will call you if I need one of those things. But right now I would appreciate more if you were not flying around my building looking through the windows, I like my privacy.”

“I'm sorry, i - I was just near, and then I saw you. I just- I wanted to see...if you were okay.”

“Well I'm just fine, now you can go.” Lena turned around to leave but kara couldn't help herself and she took her arm softly for a second. Lena stopped instantly.

“Lena wait Kara said quietly she felt helpless, she wanted to make her feel better, she wanted to hold her friend in her arms until she was better, she wanted to fix everything that made Lena sad.

Lena turned, looked at where Kara's hand had touched and then at Kara.

“What?” she said firmly.

“I'm sorry” Kara apologized. “I care about you, Lena I just want you to be okay and I am sorry for what happened these past days, with your brother.” Kara sighed and looked helplessly at Lena. “I'm just so sorry that you had to go through all that”

Lena looked at her, there was a lot of emotions in her eyes, but she just nodded and went inside.

Kara stood there for a couple of seconds then slowly flew away. She decided that she had to talk to Lena as Kara, find her even if she was being difficult to be found, maybe she would finally talk about what is wrong. Then she realized how absurd that sounded, being two different people for her best friend. She wanted Lena to be honest with her but she was not being honest with Lena.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the Supercorp pain.

She was going to talk to Lena, she was going to be honest with her and she would fix things. 

For the next two days, Kara kept trying to find Lena, but it was always the same, Lena was good at avoiding her. 

The third day, when arrived at CATCO, she saw her, she seemed to be signing some papers, Kara stared at her for a few seconds, then it looked like Lena was leaving. Kara went and stood in front of her. 

“Hi! Lena! What a surprise! how have you been? Probably busy, I have been trying to see you but you are probably busy and not avoiding me, right?” 

Kara realized she had been rambling and being desperate, but she just wanted Lena to say something to her. 

“Hello, Kara. I have been busy indeed. Actually, I have a lot of things to do right now, if you'll excuse me.” 

“But, wait! I- I miss you! I mean, I- we should hang out.” 

Lena kept looking at her blankly. Kara did not know what to do, it seemed like Lena didn't want to talk to her. 

“Lena?” 

“Look, Kara, she sighed and looked directly at Kara “I can´t do this right now, I'll call you.” 

Lena was about to leave but Kara followed her. 

“Hey, Kara said softly. “Did I do something to upset you? Are we not okay?” 

Lena was about to say something, but then she just sighed and shook her head. 

“I'll call you, Kara.” 

Lena walked away and Kara left her this time. She didn't know what to do, something was very wrong, Lena did not want her around, it was obvious, and she didn't know what to do with that, she felt like crying. 

Two days later, Lena texted her to meet her at her apartment 

Kara flew fast, but then she remembered it would be suspicious if she arrived ten seconds after she received the text so she decided to fly for fifteen minutes more. 

She went into the building and was really nervous, she wanted to fix things, she wanted to know what Lena was upset about, but she was also afraid of the reasons. What if she couldn't fix this, what if they were never okay after this, what if Lena was out of her life for good? That terrified her. 

Lena opened the door, looking exhausted. They both went inside, Lena appeared to be drinking and Kara stood there looking at her, waiting for her to speak. 

“You know, you were my friend, Kara, you were the reason why I had hope. Before you, I thought I was the problem, that I was somehow unlovable or just not made to have good people in my life.” Her voice sounded as if she was really tired and just wanted everything to be over. 

“But then you came with your sweet smile, your encouraging words as if you really believed in me. I started to have hope and I believed that I deserved that.” 

“Lena” she said softly. 

Lena made a long pause, and Kara was just trying to process the words. “But it was all a lie.” Lena kept drinking. 

Kara stood there processing. 

“What? no, Lena, it was not a lie, everything I told you was real, you deserve the word. Tell me what happened, please.” Kara pleaded. 

“I found out, Kara.”

She looked at Kara, waiting for her to realize what she was saying. 

Then Kara realized, her worst fears, Lena couldn't know in this way, she was supposed to be the one to tell her. why did she wait this long? she was so stupid. 

“Lena, I- I wanted to tell you.” 

“I'm sure you did.” 

“Lena,” Kara said and started to crumble, wiping her tears, trying to get Lena to forgive her. But she didn't know how to use her words, she didn't know how words would be enough to fix the mess she made. 

“You know, you don't get to be hurt over this, you don't get to make me feel bad for you. I trusted you, I let you see the most vulnerable side of me, one that I had never let others see. But I guess that meant nothing to you, I mean nothing to you.” 

There were tears on Lena's eyes. 

“You're my friend, Lena, of course you mean something to me. I care about you, I care about how you feel. I never told you, but there were a lot of times I wanted to tell you. 

the truth, but I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want you to hate me like now, it seems like you hate me.” 

“Oh for Christ's sake Kara! Why are you trying to play the victim here? you could have told me and this wouldn't be happening, you could have opened to me as I did to you. I was honest about things that I knew you could hate me for, but I told you anyway because I trusted you!” Lena shouted the last words and started to break down with a lot of tears running down her face. 

Looking at Lena like that broke Karas heart in a million pieces, even more because she was the reason. How could she have caused so much pain to her friend? to this person she loved too much, she felt physically sick. 

“I am so sorry, she could even speak, she felt herself starting to panic, it was too much.” 

She went and stood in front of Lena, wanting to hold her but she didn't trust herself enough to touch her. 

“Please, Lena, please. she looked desperately into her friend's eyes.” 

“I can't, I've told you before, I can't trust someone who has broken my trust.” 

“I promise I-” 

“Don't, Kara” Lena said wiping her tears, suddenly looking composed as if she had made her mind already and nothing could change. 

“I want you to leave. never come here or anywhere near me. I don't want to see you anymore.” 

Lena was holding the door open for her and Kara was just looking at her, totally broken, she knew Lena was not going to change her mind. 

She walked through the door, her eyes on the floor, everything felt in slow motion, she felt like everything around her was closing and she started to have problems with her breathing, she needed to get out of there, so she flew so fast, so high that she hoped she could disappear, she hoped she could stop feeling. 


	3. Chapter 3

Five months had gone by since she last saw Lena. She had respected her wishes, they were not friends anymore. And it was killing Kara. 

A lot had happened in those months, a lot of fights, everyone seemed happy moving on with their lives and finding love. Yet, she felt miserable. Of course she felt happy for them, but she missed Lena terribly, she just wanted her back. She knew Lena was okay, she followed the news about Lena's new projects, but it wasn't enough, she wanted to be close to her. 

There was a new threat to the city, a powerful alien causing terror and destruction. They had been trying to catch him for three weeks but they failed every time.   
Kara was informed that there was an attack near L-Corp, she flew fast, worrying something could happen to Lena. She got there, the alien had already caused a lot of damage, a lot of crashed cars, destroyed buildings and some injured people. As she was fighting the alien, she saw her, Lena, their eyes met just for a second as Lena was getting out of there accompanied by her security guards. 

The alien scaped and it wasn't until the next night that she found him again, and they fought. She fought with everything she had, releasing all her frustrations and she finally defeated him but she was in a bad state too, she was even bleeding and felt her powers draining, however, she flew until she could, until she nearly collapsed on Lena's balcony. She knocked on the door and soon after she saw her friend opening. 

"Kara", Lena said looking at her. "what happe-" 

"It doesn't matter, these months have been horrible, nothing makes sense anymore, I don't want to be away from you, but hurt you, Lena and I lost you, and I just can't do this." Kara breathed and tried to wipe her tears. "I can't go on, it's too much for me. I miss you so much, I miss seeing your smile, I miss you being close to me, I hate seeing your eyes sad, and I hate me for hurting you, I just want you to be okay, I want to make the pain go away." With every word, Kara's voice weakened and more tears were running down her face.   
"I wish I could say that I want you to be happy even if I'm not in your life anymore, but honestly, selfishly, I want to be with you, to see you happy, to help you go through this life and for you to have me when you need someone. For me, you are just Lena, not just a woman with a cursed last name, and I like being just Kara with you, I can be myself and its enough for you, just the normal reporter Kara." She felt desperate pouring her heart for Lena to understand what she meant in Kara's life.

"I can do all these things, I have my superpowers, I have all these people who admire what I represent. I have my family, my friends who love me and I do love them too. But it seems like there is still something missing, I have been miserable since you walked out of my life. and I just, I need you to give me one more chance to make it up to you, Lena, I swear I will fix the mess I made." Her voice broke as she started sobbing, feeling so small in front of the woman she wanted back in her life. She hadn't even noticed Lena started crying too. 

"I've missed you too but I don't know h-" 

"Please." 

She walked and stood in front of Lena, she reached out to wipe her tears and put her hands on both sides of her face. 

"I love you, Lena. Let's fix this, I know we can." 

"You really hurt me." Lena said in a small voice.

"I know, I know and I'm so sorry, I promise I will never hide anything from you, I want to share everything with you, if you let me." 

"I don't want to keep fighting this, I'm tired, Kara." 

"Me too, I- I just need to know if you are willing to let me be in your life again, I know it won't be easy, but you're worth it, Lena. And need to win your trust again, will you let me?"   
She saw Lena struggling, but she saw hope. Maybe.

"If you lie to me again I-" 

"I won't, I promise." 

"Don't make promises you can't keep, I can't go through this again." 

"I won't put you through something like this ever again, I want to make you happy."

"Okay", Lena whispered, but Kara heard it and it was enough, a spark of hope, she knew they could be alright because she would give everything to make things right. 

Then, Kara took Lena's hand and pulled her closer until they were hugging. Kara held her tight, she finally could breathe, and feeling Lena's arms around her own body felt so right, she wasn't going to let her go again. 

They stayed like that for a while, they pulled away but kept close, then Lena put her hand on karas face caressing gently where she was bruised. 

"Does it hurt?", Lena whispered. 

"A little bit", Kara count take her eyes off of Lena, she couldn't believe she was finally there. 

"You should rest", Kara knew she should probably go back to the DEO, but she didn't want to be away from Lena. 

Then Lena spoke again. 

"Do you want to stay here? Just for tonight." 

Kara simply nodded and Lena took her hand, pulling her into the apartment. When they reached the bedroom Lena told her to wait there, when she got back she had some clothes for kara to change. 

Kara came back from changing her clothes and Lena was already in bed. 

"Come here," Lena said patting the space next to her.

Soon they were both laying facing each other. 

"I missed you", Kara said unable to stop repeating those words to Lena. 

"You should rest", Lena simply caressed her cheek "I'll be here in the morning", she said those words like she knew about Kara's fears of losing her again. 

Kara wanted to hold Lena, but she just held her hand and turned to look at the ceiling. It was okay, that was enough to remind her that Lena was there and she drifted to sleep. 

The next day, Kara woke up and the first thing she noticed was Lena next to her, she was looking at her like she had been waiting for Kara to wake up. 

"You always believed in me," Lena said softly. "Since the beginning, everyone had doubts about me, not you though. It didn't matter if it was as the reporter Kara or Supergirl, the superhero. You protected me." 

Kara decided to let Lena speak, without interruptions. she had told Lena her side, now it was her turn. 

"I was so mad when I found out you had kept this big part of yourself, I was hurt because I thought you were the most honest person I knew, I felt like a fool for not knowing. I thought I wasn't important enough for you to tell me, that I cared more than you ever did, and that maybe, you just pitied me because you saw me as this lonely woman and it was better to befriend me to avoid me going crazy like my brother and having to deal with me in the future.

At that Kara couldn't help almost interrupting her, she opened her mouth to speak but Lena shook her head and continued speaking. 

"I had a lot of crazy theories, too much time to overthink, you know. But it just didn't make sense, why would you always put so much effort, why would you, after all this time, still be affected and why would you want me back if you didn't care. I believe you, Kara, I know you care" Lena smiled shyly at her and Kara felt her heart beating faster. "And I know that it won't be easy to fix things, but I'm willing to try, I want to get to know all the parts of you I haven't yet. I don't want secrets between us." 

Kara got closer to Lena until they were face to face with little space between them. 

"I don't want secrets either, Lena. I guess I should start with something I've been hiding from you for a long time. I-I Iove you, so much, I can't stop thinking about you, like more than a friend." Kara said carefully, feeling nervous. She knew that it was a risk to confess when she had just gotten Lena back, but it felt right, there were just the two of them and Lena was looking at her like that, it felt so right. 

"I feel the same way", Lena whispered, and Kara felt her heart going crazy, it felt surreal to finally be with Lena, confessing and hearing that she felt the same, she almost wanted to cry. 

She couldn't help it, really. She got closer until their lips were touching for a second in the sweetest kiss.

"But", Kara felt anxious, feeling like she messed up, but Lena continued. "I think we should take it slow, we need to talk about a lot of things, we need time." 

Lena smiled at Kara's panicked face. "Don't worry, I'll stay to work things out with you, I'm not running away, I love you" 

Kara smiled, she felt so happy to finally be honest with Lena, they were going to be alright, both of them, together.


End file.
